me: Ian don't do that.
ian: please mom - you can have a piece of my halloween candy.
me: I don't want your candy.
ian: you can have two pieces of my halloween candy.
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me: it kind of smells in here.
ian: yeah, smells like china.
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me: ian, what happened to your hand?
ian: a monster bit it - you see the blood all over?
me: not really. when did he bite you?
ian: august 17th. my birthday party.
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ian (as he grabs on to the chandelier over the table): Mom, we not live in the jade palace.
me: No we don't. please get off the chandelier.
ian: we live in washington.
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me: where are you going?
ian (with his coat, shoes, backpack and two light sabers): I'm going to the forest to whack the monster.